🔗 Share this article

When reports emerged that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it thrust substance use disorder back into the national conversation. However, parents affected by a child’s substance use are concerned the dialogue will center on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the far more common dangers of the disease.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the developments. They only knew the Reiners by their work, yet they identify deeply: their own son also became addicted at 15 to painkillers and later illicit drugs, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehab and jail. After a long and painful struggle, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just tragic,” states Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters didn’t survive the disease of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through their own use, a relative’s addiction, housing instability from addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or death, according to recent data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how influential you are,” emphasized Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg noted.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really a threat and the potential for causing violence.”

She also advised against jumping to conclusions about the reported involvement of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether substance use or mental health issues were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and this condition, and create a narrative to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may increase aggression, a brutal act like a murder of two people is exceptionally rare.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything even approaching to aggression. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is far more probable to harm themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not directed at their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get that call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle loneliness—wondering if the addiction stemmed from some parental failure; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and dreading the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be perfectly happy one day and in despair the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are can achieve recovery.

“Just as you can get over any other type of disease, you can get over this disease, too. You can recover and be successful,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you fail, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a college degree, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll take it and accept help.”